Fear of loss

Fear is a normal part of the human “operating system.” 

It’s not always a bad thing. We need to focus on the hierarchy more than anything else. A person with no fear would likely be labeled clinically as someone with psychopathy. Their amygdalas (part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, memory, stress response and decision making) don’t work. They are detached, cold, and calculated in a way that does not properly factor in the safety net of human emotion. 

This is not the goal.

The goal is to exhibit a healthy range of emotions that keep you functioning in tension. 

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett has published work on the subject she calls “emotional granularity.” Emotional granularity is the ability to identify (and distinguish) between subtle emotional states. You perform better under stress when you have granularity. 

To lose the ability to feel is to slowly lose the ability to live well. 

I’m neck deep in research form my next two books (one on entrepreneurial psychology & one on Godly wealth/finance). When people embark upon growth journeys they usually experience a handful of setbacks that train them how to have authority in their next season. 

You can find this not only in texts like the Bible but all over history. 

Abraham is called to a new vision, but before he gets there, he faces wars, sacrifice & unfulfilled expectations. Joseph is called to be a dreamer, but before that, he is sold out by his brothers. Esther is called to save her people, but first, she must risk death and offending the king. The job isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be important.

It plays out like this: 

I’m sure you’ve already heard the story of Hernán Cortés. 

As an odd sidebar, I have noticed that we often idolize the behaviors of men and women who were not really great role models. And yet, something about their boldness in the face of overwhelmingly negative odds inspires us. 

We can read about Alexander the Great and Napoleon Bonaparte and find them larger than life. A cursory understudy of Napoleon the man would quickly disqualify him as someone to model in life. But, the general — there are lessons in the way they challenged the status quo and rose in spite of the chaos around them.

Hernán Cortés, the general who landed in 1519 to conquer the Aztec Empire, was faced with impossible odds. His soldiers are tired, cynical, and uncertain in their own ability to do what they were being asked to do. He was outnumbered in a territory that was foreign to him and his men. And the man is so crazy that he turns around and orders the soldiers to burn all of their ships. 

Their one “last ditch” way of escape is eliminated by their own hands. We read this quote from him, 500 years later: 

“To retreat is to die in mediocrity.” 

And we are inspired. For a few minutes… then life hits again and all we want to do is to retreat. Not because we are being chased by a hostile army, but because our business isn’t growing fast enough; the person we asked to coffee said no; our new strategy can’t get off the ground; etcetera. 

Breaking Point vs Building Point

The thing about breaking points and building points is they usually feel the same. They look the same, feel the same, and sound the same until you diagnose them. One is about craving the past and wishing you could go back. The other is about choosing you are not going back, retreat isn’t a valid option… instead, you set your sights on blowing past your previous highs and building something better. 

YOU are better. So you cannot rebuild anything that was without changing it for the better. The hardest voice to quiet in these moments is always your own. 

I have lost many, many times. My first marketing material in 2013 went viral. People started screenshotting it and sharing it as an example of what not to do. It wasn’t their voices that I had the most trouble with, it was my own. 

“What if they are right?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t do this.”

“I guess I could be happy just working my day job.” 

When I hit turbulence scaling my first business to 8 figures, people developed their own opinions. They were easy to ignore. My inner voice was louder. 

Years later, empires under my belt, the FTC came after me and everybody developed their own opinions. People with nothing to show for their lives suddenly developed hostile viewpoints about an empire they had done nothing to build or protect. 

And still, it wasn’t their voices that challenged me the most… it was my own. 

“Am I good enough to build?”

“Can I move past this?” 

Your breaking point turns into your building point when you decide to wrestle control of your own narrative. Are you going to go backwards, sailing away on the ships of retreat? Or are you going to burn them? 

Is this the end? Or is it the beginning? 

I’ve proven this to myself so many times that it has gotten easier. But there are still days and moments. These moments, and how you handle them, set the trajectory for your life and your future generations. 

My proof is in my track record: I am a dangerous person to bet against. Not because I’m smarter than everyone else… but because at the end of the day, I have learned to choose which voice I listen to when life gets crazy and the stakes get high. There is a coward in us all who would love to be in charge. The counsel you get from this coward will usually be incorrect. 

That doesn’t mean you should always ignore it. Every coward will be right every once in a while. When your main insight is spawned from a place of fear or loss aversion, though, it is usually setting you up for a loss. 

So how do we handle this inner voice that tells us to run? 

“I hear you, but that is not who I am.”

If you want to win, you get the opportunity to decide. Will you run to the past? There is nothing for you there. The future, though, is a wonderful place filled with magic and possibility. 

Do not settle because you are afraid of what will happen if you try. Sometimes the best path of action sounds crazy in the moment… that is because it’s crazier to try than it is to retreat. 

All the spoils of victory exist in the insanity of pushing forward despite the risk.

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